Tuesday, August 5, 2003

Everything about this baby business is completely insane. Out of this world.

First, that you can actually just decide one day to produce another human being. I mean, there can't be anything more fantastic and unreal than that right there. "Hmm... Should I bake some cookies, or just make a kid?"

Then, you grow that new person inside you. For months. Just merrily walking around. La-di-da. With another individual living in your belly!

Now you would think that once your daughter is born, things would return to normal, barring any post-partum complications. But oh, no. Things just keep getting more surreal. Not only does your wife fall in love with another girl. Someone that just somehow automatically moved into your bedroom one day. On top of that, you're just fine with that. Suddenly, sharing your wife's love with another person is just dandy. You're even happy yourself that your wife is in love with this stranger. And then you become infatuated with her, too!

Then, the new girl starts growing. And growing. And growing and growing and growing. She adds 10% to her length in two weeks. And you delight in every new chin and skinfold she adds on. You start feeling like the witch in Hänsel und Gretel, cheering on your offspring on her way to becoming the Michelin man, or baby.

And then it's the every day insanity. For example breast-pumping. Your wife can actually be sitting in a chair, merrily reading a book, while a machine, attached to her breast, pumps ounces of milk out of her and into a bottle! You suddenly realize why the kid is growing so fast. It may not sound weird, but holding a full bottle of your wife's milk in your hand...

I'm telling you. Insanity!