Friday, April 2, 2004

This fast is getting to me. I have been seriously thinking about going into my backyard and hugging some trees. Guess that would make me a 'bleeding-heart, tree-hugging libertarian'.

I made some potato-patties last night. Boil some potatos and mush them together with fresh cilantro, green chilis, soy cheese (yes, really), and some chives. Add salt/pepper to taste, form into little patties, roll them in various ground nuts and fry them in oil. Yum. The thing is, though, that I made this dish in an earlier part of the fast, and I really didn't like it. I thought it was bland. And without substance. Pointless, really. And this time, I wolfed it down.

I can't be turning into a vegetarian. That would just be wrong. Somehow.

It will all be over on Good Friday.

Thursday, April 1, 2004

Estonia. Never been there.

But that is about to change. Actually, I have never been that far east. Well, that is probably a lie. I guess Finland is just as far to the east.

But Estonia is bound to be different. Supposedly, it is both quite poor and backwards, and at the same time booming and full of promise. I have this image of old, run-down beautiful buildings, flanked by soviet-style soul-less slabs of concrete. Of people wearing old tweet, smoking bad tobacco in small cafés, playing chess and listening to balalaika music. Of dusty, old museums, containing magnificent pieces of forgotten art. It's only been a little over a decade since the Baltic states gained their independence from the then Soviet Union, so their identity has to be still intact. Mostly, at least.

Do you remember the Soviet Union? I was teaching a few weeks back, and made a reference to them. Or that era in time. Only a couple of people smiled. The 'older' ones. The rest of them didn't get it. Which is good. And dangerous, probably. I used to rage against the mere existence of the Soviet Union. And the idea of world socialism. Totalitarianism made me see red. Literally. Now there was something worth fighting against. To save the world from. I cried tears of joy when the Berlin wall came down. I felt a sense of victory. All those people. Finally free! Able to speak their minds and do what they wanted to. No more Stasi. No more Politburo. No more thought police. How the whole world was bound to change in a fundamental way as a result.

And now, fifteen years later, we have ... Mondays. Mundane, every-day life. Decisions like whether to have fish for dinner. Or meatballs. And states like Estonia, and Lithuania, and Latvia are joining the EU. And Nato. Quietly becoming members of those 'Western' states. With mortgages. And supermarkets. And junk mail.

But also elections. And real newspapers. And differences in opinion. And that makes it all worth it. Mundane may be boring, but it is safe. And therefore good.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Heading back home after an exhausting, but productive, week in Europe.

Right now, I feel like a fisherman on his way back to land. The boat full of fish, filled to the brim. With sore muscles and an aching back, but a quiet satisfaction over the results. Over having enough. Until the next trip.

Testing your metal and passing the test. That part is satisfying. But it gets lonely out here. Even among people I know. Knowing that you want to be with someone, but that she is in another country, can be trying.

Am feeling tired right about now. I sometimes ask myself why I do this. Maybe battling with windmills is a better analogy than fishing.