Man, it's raining!

Rain. Rain. Rain.

Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain.

I am going away again in a month. For almost three weeks. *Sigh* If this pathetic on-line airline ticket website service thing doesn't forget to send me my ticket. Again.

What is the deal with these ticketing websites, anyway? I have been doing most of my banking on the Net for years now. With no problems. What so ever. Never has my money just mysteriously disappeared from my account. Never have I had to call the bank and have someone say to me, in a patronizing voice: "Now are you suuuure sir, that you actually transferred this amount into your account? Couldn't it be that you just accidentally did not transfer it, like, at all?" But time after time, year after year, this is what I get from the airlines. All of them. BA, AA, Air France, KLM, SAS, and the rest of them. All of these clowns. "Sorry sir, I have no record of that transaction. Oh, and by the way, that flight is now full." I mean, is it a requirement that if you land a contract, writing a booking engine for an airline website, that it actually should not work? Ever?

Actually, I am not pissed about this. I learned my lesson a while ago. Now, I buy my tickets way in advance, to allow for all the screw-ups, and lost reservations, and tickets to Detroit (I mean, who would go to Detroit, voluntarily, anyway?), and wrong prices, and middle seats, and all the other stuff that you can possibly fuck up when taking someone's reservation for a simple airfare.

You know what though? I am pissed. But not at the airline. It's this whole going away again thing. Alone. For weeks.

And on top of it all, if I have to go somewhere, this really isn't where I want to fly to!

I have a completely different destination in mind.

I was right, I was right, I was right!

When I arrived at the daycare, my daughter was sleeping soundly. She woke up as soon as I opened the door to the room where she was sleeping. Grumpy, wrinkled, and hungry. She half-wimpered, half-growled in my shoulder as I carried her to the car. There she did one of her stiff-as-a-board-so-you-can't-put-me-in-that-car-seat-thing. She usually saves those for a rare occasion, like when we're driving guests somewhere or if we think that we are really late going somewhere. But I had already decided what to do. First, I subjected her to my singing. That usually catches her offguard, as it did today.

I sang all the way to the pizza joint across the river. There, I ordered a large slice of chicken/broccoli/tomatos/bacon/onions/ranch dressing accident. Next, I fed her the toppings. She was starving. She had already finished everything I sent with her to the daycare: The double ration of banana-oatmeal, the eggs, the boiled carrots, the orange, the milk/half&half, and a good chunk of the wheat-cheerios-like-thingys. And that was after the breakfast of 6 oz of milk/half&half, banana, puffed wheat, and apricots.

After we jointly destroyed the humongous pizza slice, and I had stopped singing at her, she was already in a better mood. Then we danced around in front of the pizza place, in the rain, and that even brought out a little smile. So then, there was only one thing to do: The Drive-Around Top Ten!

For those of you that are unfamiliar with how this goes, listen carefully: You put one kid in car-seat. Put yourself behind the wheel. Find a winding country road, preferably surrounded on all sides with lots of things to gawk at, like trees, and bulls, and barns, and bikers, and more trees, and babbling brooks, and more trees, and dogs. Did I mention trees? While this is happening, you set your iPod on random. And look for songs that bring forth more smiles. And skip passed those that cause the kid to cry (see later).

I always thought the iPod was meant for me. I mean, my wife had an inscription put on the back: "for the dad..." Turns out that was all wrong. This widget was meant for bringing out smiles on my daughter's face. And boy, does she have a mostly solid, if somewhat unusual taste in music! For a one-year old at least, I think.

So without further adieu, here is the current Drive-Around Top Ten List:

1. Music Non Stop - Kraftwerk (Album: The Mix)
2. Mbube - Miriam Makeba (Album: Africa)
3. Enter Sandman - Metallica
4. It Had To Be You - Frank Sinatra
5. Brazil Samba - Michael Kamen (Album: Brazil Soundtrack)
6. Wishin' And Hopin' - Dionne Warwick
7. On The Street Where You Live - Quincy Jones (Album: Big Band Bossa Nova)
8. Sonata in C, K.545 - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
9. Born Blind - Sonny Boy Williamson
10. Summer In The Country - Roger Whittaker (Album: The Last Farewell)

Actually, this is a little skewed, since we only got to listen to about 15 songs. But still, some of them where never going to make the list. Even if we'd made it a Top Fifteen list. For example, my daughter cried when I played her Sting's "If I Ever Lose My Faith". And it wasn't one of those oh-tha-is-so-sweet cries, either. It was basically a please-turn-this-off-right-now cry. Heh-heh-heh.

We made a few stops on the way: On a really interesting parking lot in front of an old supermarket, where my daughter wanted to crawl around, and in a field of brown cattle, where we ate a lot of flowers. By the time we were back home, the smile had reached her eyes, and there was no more grumpiness to be seen.

So this is my advice to girls that say they are feeling grumpy today: Go out in a field and eat some flowers, have a sloppy pizza too, and find your favorite music. I guarantee it will drive that grumpiness away.

There comes a day, once you have stopped blogging, where you start thinking like this: So many more interesting days than today have passed since I last blogged that it would be silly to blog about today.

To fight this, I decided to blog about the most mundane, boring day that would come by. And that day is today.

Since I last blogged, I have had a day where I biked a 100 miles, and survived; a day that I spent in anguish waiting to hear if my mother was OK, after learning that her house got broken into, in broad daylight; a day when my daughter turned one years old; a day when I learned that a sweet, dear friend of mine is pregnant; and a day when I basically had all my professional wishes fulfilled, for a day.

Now lets talk about today. The sky is gray. It is muggy. Even the wind is too lazy to move. I've spent this specimen of a day on equally thrilling projects: Trying (and failing) to wire money to a former Soviet Union country (which explains the failure); looking at different types of stone and gravel for my garden; changing insurance companies for our house/cars; fighting a losing battle with my voice-mail settings; ordering a new set of checks; missing people who I haven't seen in a long, long while; calling someone 17 times (busy signal for the first 16 times), just to hear him say that what I had asked for can not be done; getting a message from my wife that she will not be home until sometime late tonight.

Now what does this all mean, ladies and gentlemen? I will tell you what it means. It means that this day is a challenge! It is testing me. Pushing me. Daring me to give up and let it slip away. To say 'Bleh!' and just hope that tomorrow will be better. But I refuse. I utterly and completely, flatly refuse to give in. This. WILL. Be. A. Good. Day.

And I even know exactly how to do it.

Five minutes from now, I will be driving to pick up my daughter. She can join in with the day, and be irritated, pissy, grumpy, and moody. But I will not be. Because I will be with my little girl. I will just smile to her, sing her a soft song, stroke her cheek. And let the grumpiness dissolve into nothing, evaporate, and go away.

See? Easy, peasy!

It's been so many days since I've blogged, that I am almost shy to finally write a few words. Also, I had quite a lot to blog about, but now that I finally start blogging, it is on a momentously uneventful day. It has been one of those dear, hazy, quiet summer Mondays. That almost look like Sundays. The only difference is that I am not the only one doing some work today.

Father's day was an interesting day for me. Obviously my first. I still don't think I know what it is about, being new on the job and all that. The point is obviously to huckster a few extra trinkets to unsuspecting wives and offspring, for them to give to their gadget-laden dads/husbands. But I had all sorts of unusual events happen to me on this day, all strangely related to fatherhood.

It began with my sister calling just as father's day had started. Well, it was after midnight where she was, anyway. We talked for more than an hour. And we almost never just 'talk'. First, we talked a lot about our mother. But then the discussion turned to our father. And we actually talked about him. Which I can't remember us doing before. I don't think we are an especially dysfunctional family. It's just that she is almost a decade older than me, and by the time she was ready to start accepting me as an adult – ready to start answering my probably incessant questions and actually talking to me – I had kind of moved on to other people, perhaps some sorts of 'sibling substitutes'. So although we get along very well, and are actually quite alike in many respects, we rarely just 'talk'. Turns out we have a similar take on our father. Go figure.

Then, when I woke up yesterday morning, and took my daughter for a drive to the hardware store, I heard the most sad, depressing and miserable, yet endearing in a strange way, story on NPR about fatherhood. It was a radio interview with an older gentleman, who talked about his terse relationship with his father, the father's teenage escape from his abusive and violent father, and then the original gentleman's years with his son, until the son, his only son by the way, drowned at the age of fifteen. By the time I got to the hardware store, I was a red-eyed, bawling mess. You can just imagine the puzzled stares I got from the other males as I walked in like that, with my baby daughter on my arm.

In the afternoon, we went to one of the region's lakes. My girls dipped their feet in the cold water, giggling, while I lay beached on the shore. I think I am finally getting the point about taking your kids to the park, the beach, etc. It is a contiguous space of sand, grass or other innocuous surroundings, where the rugrats can roam around with lowered supervision. There are no power outlets or scissors at the beach. So you can relax for a bit.

Throughout the day, all sorts of little, non-commercial 'dad' stuff popped up. I would look other dads in the eye and actually imagine I understood some of it. Or maybe I was just especially susceptible. Excited over becoming a member of this strange club of men.

Finally, my wife sent me to the video store last night. 'A comedy' was her only condition. On a whim, I picked up 50 First Dates. Actually, if you haven't seen the trailer, don't watch it. Just see the movie. It is so much better not to know. Suffice to say, if you are expecting a classic Sandler/Barrymore slapstick, you might be pleasantly surprised. For me, it was a film about fathers. And for the second time in one day, I cried.

Makes you wonder if Mother's day wouldn't be a more appropriate day for me.

Happy Bloomsday!

I have always lived a part of my life through movies.

I think it comes from not being good at drawing lines between my life and what I should consider to be outside its scope. In the same way that I can have a hard time staying away from meddling in my friends' lives or trying to help someone I actually do not know at all, movies can suck me in and blur these same lines for me. Someone once told me that this is a sign of immaturity. That it was something children sometimes do, before they grow up. Losing themselves in make-believe images, flickering on a screen. But I can't help it.

Just like tonight. My wife had told me to see Big Fish. We both like Tim Burton, but she had seen the film while travelling, a few months ago, and said she knew I would like it. Of course she was right. I do. Maybe because I identify with some aspects of the protagonist. His propensity for tall tales. His delight in amazing and entertaining his friends. Making other people smile.

Then I listened to the end title track. I have never been a Perl Jam fan, but that ballad really got to me. And it made me see another reason for why I like the film. I probably have a long way to go in coming to terms with losing my own father, almost three years ago. He, like the protagonist's father in the movie, was an enigma to me in so many ways. He was a bigger man than I will ever be. And that is OK. But I am really sorry for the time we did not have. The him that I never knew.

This feeling, in return, has only made me more determined than before, not to shy away from life. Not to let it slip by. To always follow my heart. However wild and dangerous the road is that it leads down. To seize the day. Jump on the train. Make the journey. Ask the question. Take the time to listen. To give oneself. Without hesitation. To live. That is why I can not compromise. Why I believe that life is an adventure. Why tall tales are my truths, and the people who tell them are my heros.

Incidentally, that is also why I could never have not kissed Helena Bonham Carter, when it was the absolutely right thing to do.

To be able to hold your head up high, and claim that you actually participate in this society, you have the moral obligation to make an informed decision in the election this fall. Each one of us needs to take his or her own stand. I am doing my bit. How about you?

Here is the incumbent's position on some of the main issues, as he sees them, with my humble opinion on each of them:

Abortion	The president opposes abortion, but he has said that neither the country nor Congress is ready for a ban on the procedure. More	✘ Fail. A woman should not be forced to carry a child, or to have to seek illegal means of an abortion otherwise. Period.
Affirmative Action:	Mr. Bush says he opposes racial quotas and racial preferences. More	✔ Pass. I do not believe that the disgusting practice of racism can be finally put out of its misery until those that 'make it' (into college, into public office, on company boards, etc.) are free of the presumption that they couldn't have without the government putting them there, instead of other, more qualified people.
Campaign Finance:	Mr. Bush has foregone public financing for his presidential campaigns. More	✓ Pass. But would he have if he hadn't received more than 'enough' money from his backers anyway?
Death Penalty:	Supports the death penalty. More	✘ Fail! Killing another human being IS WRONG. How the bible-thumping rednecks console the government being allowed to slaughter people with their own so-called "faith" is beyond me.
Economy, Taxes & Trade:	President Bush has signed tax cuts each of the past three years, including a $1.35 trillion cut over 10 years signed in 2001. More	✔ Pass. If these tax cuts are slanted towards the rich, there is a simple solution: Cut taxes more, this time on the lower and middle class.
Education:	Supports taxpayer-financed vouchers for tuition at parochial or other private schools. More	✔ Pass. School vouchers are a real way to allow the public to choose where their tax dollars will be put to their best use. As long as there is a public school system in this country, this is the way to go. Besides, competition is the only true way to encourage progress in the service sector, as in any other business.
Environment:	Favors allowing oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. More	✓ Pass. Those that own the land need to take responsibility for the use of it, not have Uncle Sam always sitting by going "Yes, this you may" and "but this you may not". That kind of legislation breeds a culture of "It's OK because Uncle Sam hasn't banned it".
Foreign Policy, Terrorism & Iraq:	Following Sept. 11 attacks on United States, instituted policy of pre-emptive strikes against suspected threats to the nation's security, where U.S. would act alone or with others to protect the nation. More	✘ Fail. It was wrong from the outset and has already been proven disasterously wrong in practice. No more attacks, invasions, or occupations. Emperor, LEAVE OTHER NATIONS ALONE!
Gay Rights:	Opposes gay marriage; Supports a constitutional amendment defining marriage as the union between a man and a woman. More	✘ Fail. In personal matters, as in most others, people should be free to do what they like, as long as they do not infringe upon the same right of others. Banning people from getting married, just because other people don't want them to, is WRONG.
Gun Control:	Favors granting immunity to gun makers from civil lawsuits. More	✗ Fail. Civil lawsuit immunity is an impotent way of dealing with faults in a justice system, real or merely perceived. Not really the point though, when it comes to the issue of gun control.
Healthcare:	Signed a law giving the elderly prescription drug coverage under Medicare for the first time, at an estimated cost of $400 billion over the next 10 years. More	✘ Fail. Tax cuts = Good. But increasing public spending at the same time is not just Bad. It is irresponsible, and a flat-out verdict of failure over administrations that practice it.
Homeland Security & National Defense:	Following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, created new cabinet-level position to coordinate anti-terrorism efforts.More	✘ Fail. A classic fallacy: The emergence of a new problem calls for a new government office.
Social Security:	Favors private investment accounts in Social Security. More	✓ Pass. A virtual non-issue. Neither important nor something that people could possibly disagree with, in good conscience. However, this can be implemented in a way that totally distorts the declared purpose of it.