I am strange. I know. But I swear, I have been meaning to finally buy a TV. Like all the other good little citizens. Maybe that will finally cure me of these rebellious tendencies. Oh how I long to become one of these obedient, transparent people that sit. And watch. And watch.
These docile folks simply cannot understand why Bush does not get on with taking out this Saddam person, so the stock market can rebound. That way, everybody will be happy again. Even the Iraqis. Minus those that will be killed in the invasion, of course. But then, hardly anyone dies in wars anymore. If they did, the TV would report it. It would point out the death toll of invasion. That kind of news wouldn't be quieted because war will bring more eyeballs to The Screen? Would it? No, that cannot be true. Say it with me: TV is good, TV is right. TV is good, TV is always right.
Anyways. Believe it or not. I started this TV monologue to illustrate what I am up against in the TV department. And why I may again fail in buying myself a TV this year. It is not because I want to be orthodox. I do not find anything comfortable about being square. Especially when I try to squeeze through those round holes (BTW, there must be some square holes somewhere? Right?).
No, year after year I fail to buy a TV because I know I will be hooked. My eyes will become square - or round, as the case may be. And so, I try to find some ways to purchase the damn thing and still maintain a modicum of hope that, through the marvels of technology, I will be able to break away. Occasionally.
One such technological marvel has had me mesmerized for quite a while, now: TiVo. This wonderful machine promises to fill up on your favorite TV material, to be viewed at your leisure. So you will not have to run home to catch that detective flick at 7 pm sharp, and you will not have to worry about spending hours programming your video recorder to tape it. Just unleash your TiVo on the TV. Then, when you are overcome by TV-thirst, you can sit down and watch at your own leisure. And the best part? With the TiVo, you can skip the commercials! Just flip past them. Reduce "60 Minutes" to "45 Minutes" and still catch that splenetic Andy Rooney guy at the end of it.
So why haven't I made the plunge? Surely, this is a wonderful excuse to sail happily into la-la land and never look back? Well... The thing is, I keep hearing these weird horror stories about living with TiVo. And then there is always the Next Big Thing. I also have that syndrome. Bad.
You see? There really is nothing interesting about why I do not have a TV. I am just indecisive. Lazy. And square. But I will give in. Soon I will become just like all the other quiet souls, spending my life quivering under the orange alert on my TV.