I am a simple creature. It doesn't take much to cheer me up.

Or take my mind, at least for a minute, off things that I am slowly realizing that I will probably never be able to change.

*Sigh*

And just as I published that post, Last.fm starts playing Depeche Mode's Somebody.

Seriously, how are you supposed to be able to keep your heart intact, and safe from just shriveling up into a small, ugly, dead knot?

Ok, now you tell me how not to become depressed when this (it's a pdf, by the way) is the world we live in, and nothing we do seems to make any difference about it?

None. Nil. Nix. Zero. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Nichts. Null.

One. Hundred. Thousand. Living. Human. Beings. Like. You. And. Me.

Say it with me.

"One. Hundred. Thousand. Living. Human. Beings. Like. You. And. Me."

"Like. You. And. Me."

THat solves that question. Now we know what their purpose in life was.

Being slaughtered.

Free men bear arms, anyone?

Oh no, of course this isn't representative. No, gun-toting is not just sane and natural, it's actually a necessity. To ward of all the real loonies walking around, carrying guns.

Or just to exterminate those that would actually walk onto my property. It's mine, after all. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!

And damn everything else to hell.

Fuck.

This is cool and this is way, way cool!

My friends have been listening to me droning on for almost a decade about the coming of the personalization. TV's that learn what you like and what you don't. Video rentals that suggest what to rent, based on what you liked of your previous rentals. Radio stations that only play music that rock you.

And now, it's all here.

The only difference is that even if I always believed this change was coming, I still dreaded it. Desperately. I was afraid that it would narrow our already clostrophobic universe. The TV would block any "uncomfortable" news, the radio would never play us anything new, and we wouldn't even know that movies were being made that did not fit our profile.

So far, I have thankfully been dead wrong. last.fm has played me more new music in an hour than I have heard in a month. Probably because it is music that I like, but I didn't know it. I mean, who the hell is Serge Gainsbourg anyway? And you should just see my Netflix queue! All those movies I've been passing at the video rental place for years, just because the cover didn't really move me. The damn cover, for Pete's sake!

This is in some ways like having a new friend. Or, actually, an old friend. Somebody. Who knows what you really like. And doesn't hesitate to expose you to stuff you would never have the imagination to go for yourself. Feels good.

Of course I am probably just being overly optimistic, but I think that if this profiling trend will have any marked effect at all, it might actually be to widen our view, not close it more.

OK, I'm putting my headphones back on now. Listening to some Alec Empire. Amazing. Bye...

"Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds!"

Probably not a good sign...

Uh-oh...this does not look good...

It is almost funny how the following facts, which I used to find hilarious, really are not that funny anymore, now that my daughter is getting to this age:

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3 year old child's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
5. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
6. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
7. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
8. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
9. The glass in windows (including double pane windows) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
10. When you hear the toilet flush along with the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
11. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke (and lots of it).
12. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
13. Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
14. Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
15. Super glue is forever.
16. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
17. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
18. VCRs do not eject sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
19. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
20. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.You probably don't want to know what that smell is.
21. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
22. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
23. The fire department in my town has a 5 minute response time.
24. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
25. The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy, however.
26. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Luckily, we do not have a waterbed, a pool, a cat, or a VCR. Well, it's something, I guess.

Oh, and by the way:

27. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. The women seem to be smarter.